Film: Return of the Living Dead

Directed by:Dan O'Bannon

Year: 1985

Starring: Clu Gulager, James Karen, Don Calfa, Linnea Quigley

Reviewed by: The Zombieslayer

Some of you rented the 80s movie Return of the Living Dead and went into a panic. You noted that these zombies won't die by destroying the brain. The entire body had to be destroyed. Then you sent me frantic emails and almost lost your jobs because you wouldn't leave the house.

Well, my friends. Rest assured, this movie is a comedy. Zombies really do die by a good blow to the head or a bullet to the brain. Just remember if you decapitate them, they can still bite you. Still, the movie is worth watching. It's funny. Ha ha. Also, Linnea Quigley has some nice nudie scenes, and at the time she was something to look at. Actually, she's at least a decade older than I am and she's still to this day nice to look at. Just don't expect to get an anti-zombie education out of it. And go back to work. You have bills to pay and guns to buy.

Oh, you came here looking for a review? Okay, I'll give you your fucking review. Just don't expect me to give you roses too.

The Return of the Living Dead, contrary to the name, was not a sequel to any of the Romero Dead zombie films. Instead, it's a campy 80s comedy with campy 80s humor. If you're too young to remember the 80s, you probably wouldn't get it and you'll think it's stupid.

However, if you like campy 80s humor, you'll like this one. It has almost as much cheese as Wisconsin and zombies to boot. I miss the 80s, when things weren't so fucking cynical like they are now. You had laughs without the political correctness Nazis trying to give you guilt about it. And we had gratuitious nudity (supplied by Linnea Quigley) without complaints.

Not a perfect flick by any means though. I own the DVD and I only whip it out when I got a bunch of friends my age over and plenty of beer. It's not as funny as Shaun of the Dead, but it has its moments. Seven dead zombies, for an 80s zombie cheesefest.

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