What the hell, America? Don’t you remember the 70s?

It’s the 70s all over again.  America buys these stupid oversize penis envy gas guzzling cars, then gas shoots up, then people bitch.  My ex-wife bitched and she drives an SUV (what bitch doesn’t?) and I politely told her to shove it up her ass.

Americans have short memories.  Don’t bitch to me about oil prices.  Seriously, don’t.  Don’t waste  your breath.  I’ll tell you to shove it up your ass too.

Ok. Don’t laugh. I liked this film.

Yes, it’s a guilty pleasure flick. And yes, it’s better than most teen-age comedy out there, especially bullshit films like Dazed and Confused which was absolutely horrible but the critics seem to jack off endlessly to.

Seth and Evan are two teenage dorks who are trying to get laid. Yeah, same plot as those God awful American Pie movies. However, unlike that Americana crap, Superbad actually has intelligent writing.

Seth and Evan are both fun to laugh at, but who really makes the movie is a kid so dorky he makes Seth and Evan look cool, a kid with a fake ID called McLovin.

Sound stupid yet? It is. It’s very stupid, but so stupid you just can’t help laughing. You also can’t help laughing because unlike most of the other teenage crap out there, you can help but liking these guys. They’re selfish, they’re crude, and their painfully insecure.

Enter the girls they’re trying to pursue, a pair of incompetent cops, a white trash dive bar, a few high school parties, a robbery at a liquor store, and a slew of other events that we’ve all lived through and you’ll find yourself agreeing with me that this is a guilty pleasure flick.

7 Js. Finally a high school movie that doesn’t insult your intelligence.

It’s the year 2000, and America has become a big dystopian game show. David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone play competing race car drivers with a mission to not only race across America, but kill as many people in the way as possible.

How did America become a dystopia? Simple. A global economic crash. So just like certain European nations in the 30s, we resorted to fascism to fix it.

To keep Americans entertained, the President, who has previously abolished free elections, decrees the Transcontinental Road Race. Racers are scored by both time and points, where age, gender, and handicap are all factored in.

Is this a B-movie? Well, no shit. You might look at it and immediately shut it off for its highly dated graphics and special effects. But if you’re a true movie buff, it’s a cult classic and one you should see.

The movie is a straight up political statement. It satirizes American bloodlust and anti-intellectualism. The sad thing is, it’s not too far of a reach. Anyone who thinks it can’t happen here have their head up their ass.

As a bonus, you’ll see a few gratuitous T&A shots, and the women are hot. Plus, if you follow cult classics and “grindhouse” films, you’ll recognize some faces.

Rent it. See it. And come back here and comment.

6 J’s for a pretty damn good for a b-movie cult classic.

Merry Christmas to all!

I want to say Merry Christmas to all the Pretentious Critics too - Kate, Zombieslayer, Badman, Clothosfate, and Pirata Diablo.  You all rock!

It’s over.  I refuse to watch another baseball game, or buy anything related to major league baseball.  The sport is a joke.  Every record past 1980 is contaminated.

Screw the sport.  I hope it goes under.